


What I Really Meant To Say

by CuriousJorgi



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 23:36:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9792092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuriousJorgi/pseuds/CuriousJorgi
Summary: At a celebration for 5 years of peace, Relena talks to Heero.  But she is not able to say what she really wants to.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of two of my older fics I wrote up in the car when stuck in traffic after class and work. They are both from Relena's perspective and both are song fics (which most of my writing is). I think she is a little obsessive in the series, but I still like her character in Endless Waltz. Un-beta'd so all mistakes are mine, so kindly let me know off errors so i can correct them. Feedback greatly appreciated.  
> Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing characters or the Song "What I Really Meant to Say" which is by Cyndi Thompson.  
> 'Italics' lyrics  
> ". . ." conversation

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What I Really Meant To Say

 

_'It took me by surprise_

_When I saw you standin' there_

_Close enough to touch_

_Breathin' the same air'_

 

I was very surprised to see you at the party I threw tonight at Sank to celebrate five years of peace between the Earth and the Colonies. I never thought after the Mariemaia incident that I would ever see you again. But here you were standing in the crowd of hundreds of people waiting for my grand entrance.

 

_'You asked me how I'd been_

_I guess that's when I smiled and said just fine_

_Oh, but baby I was lyin'_

 

After the speech, I gave to thank everyone for coming and to enjoy the festivities. I went to talk to you. I truly expected to have left after or even during my speech, but you stayed. "Hello, Heero. It is good to see you. How have you been these five years?"

 

"Fine. How have you been?"

 

That must have been the longest sentence you said to me other than "I will kill you." "I have been fine, kept busy trying to protect the peace. Thanks to Une, Noin, and the Preventers, things have been easier than if I had to do it all on my own." Which was the truth, but not what I really

meant to tell you.

 

_'What I really meant to say_

_Is I'm dyin' here inside_

_And I miss you more each day_

_There's not a night I haven't cried_

_And baby, here's the truth_

_I'm still in love with you_

_(And, that's what I really meant to say)’_

 

I vowed that I would tell you if I ever saw you that I was still in love with you, but I could not do it. I knew you did not love me that way. You did care for me on some level, as a friend maybe. And for me that was enough, even though I wanted more. "So Heero, have you kept in contact with the others?

 

"Some."

 

"Well, Wufei should be here somewhere since all the Preventers were invited. Also, Sally made it an order that they come. Quatre said he would try to show if his business allowed the weekend off. Hilde came with her husband, but Duo had to work late and took a later shuttle. He said he would be here late tonight, when all the fun starts. And Quatre said if he came he would

bring Trowa, who is now working for him in security. If you want to go look for any of them I understand."

 

_'And as you walked away_

_The echo of my words_

_Cut just like a knife_

_Cut so deep it hurt_

_I held back the tears_

_Held on to my pride and watched you go_

_I wonder if you'll ever know'_

 

"Thanks. It is good to see you doing well, Relena. You are a strong and fair advocate for peace." And those where the last words you spoke to me as you walked across the room to leave or find the other pilots. I will never know if you came to see them or me, but I know that I will always hold a place for you in my heart, even if I didn't get to tell you that.

 

_'What I really meant to say_

_Is I'm dyin' here inside_

_And I miss you more each day_

_There's not a night I haven't cried_

_And baby, here's the truth_

_I'm still in love with you_

_(And, that's what I really meant to say)'_

 

I know you made me stronger, and for that I am thankful. But I am not as strong as you, or how much you think I am. I still cry most nights over not telling you how I feel, or over just not seeing you. I would like to be stronger. I am learning to be stronger and maybe someday I will tell you that, among other things.

 

_'What I really meant to say_

_Is I'm really not that strong_

_No matter how I try_

_I'm still holdin' on_

_And here's the honest truth_

_I'm still in love with you_

_And, that's what I really meant to say'_

 

Someday if we meet again, I will try and tell you what you mean to me. I vow that I will tell you I love you, even if you don't feel the same. I will tell you that what I really meant to say tonight is that I will always love and care for you, Heero.

 

_'That's what I really meant to say_

_That's what I really meant to say'_

 

The End


End file.
